April 2006. Harrison is a few weeks old. I'm at the pediatric dentist's office trying to alternately hold down Griffin, an 11 year old with autism who is not at all happy about having hands in his mouth, and is super pissed that the VHS copy of Fun and Fancy Free he watches at the dentist's office can't be found and maneuver a boob into the mouth of a newborn who is not at all happy to not already be fed. End result - poor dentist with averted eyes had to chase Griffin around the chair a bit and sweaty me stood in the room with a disposable breast pad having escaped my bra and migrated to my thigh, one boob free and unfettered, giant target dinner plate of a nipple glowing neon and dripping milk in the sterile room and a screaming red faced pissed off infant.
How am I going to do this? Anytime I need to go anywhere that's when Harrison MUST nurse. Ideally I wouldn't have to go anywhere but I do have 5 kids and they all have various appointments. And even if I can make it to my destination first, I do not have the skills yet to cover up and feed the baby. Or maybe I just don't have the right clothes and accessories. I'm a fashion disaster. I do have a pouch sling but my attempts to nurse in it have been ridiculous comedy gold. Who the hell invented you, pouch sling?